The Mental Scaring of Alfred
by SunflowerSuperhero
Summary: Ivan makes the mistake of inviting the allies over for a meeting, leading to comeplete chaos in the confrence room, to make matters worse, Belerus is up to her usual scheming. Could the day get any worse?


**A/N: Ok so this is my first of hopefully a long line of stories, so please forgive me if it's terrible. Also please note, there is reason behing the rating, as I have a very scary, dirty, and just plain creepy mind *glowing purple arura*, and I will leave it at that.**

* * *

The wind blew harshly across the open tundra, causing snow to blow and an easily recognizable cream colored scarf to flap through the air. Ivan walked up the large driveway to his mansion with his usual severed pipe in one hand, and a large brown sack in the other. As the large door swung open all three Baltic States dashed to the door. They stood in their little group shaking in fear as Estonia stepped forward

"W-welcome home, Mr. R-Russia," his words shook as he said them, Lithuania and Latvia followed his example and murmured their welcomes shaking just as bad if not worse than his.

"Thanks, put these in some water, da?" he said pulling a large bouquet of sunflowers out of the sack he carried. Lithuania quickly took this escape route.

"Yes sir, Mr. R-Russia." he said quickly and dashed out of the room.

"Latvia did you get shorter while I was away?" Ivan asked as he placed his large hand on Latvia's head and pressed down firmly

"N-no sir, but if you didn't press down on my- OWWW!" he screamed loudly as Estonia kicked him as a warning not to provoke Mr. Russia. Ivan laughed loudly, the laugh echoing through the halls of the large mansion, he removed his hand from Latvia's head and reached back into the bag and brought out a bottle of vodka. He took a drink of it and reminded two-thirds of the Baltic States that the Allies were coming tomorrow to discuss what to do about the Axis Powers.

Russia slowly walked upstairs, deciding to get to sleep early to prepare for more of America's "I'm the hero" speeches and England and France's squabbles. _I realize they're engaged, _Ivan thought, _but they already bicker like an old married couple_. Smiling at this thought, Ivan flopped onto the bed and took one last sip of vodka before switched out the light.

America was the first to arrive; Russia was sipping vodka while reading the morning newspaper when he heard the door open and slam shut loudly.

"THE HERO IS HERE!" America shouted at the top of his lungs. _Wonderful_, Ivan thought, _just wonderful._

"M-Mr. America is here," Lithuania stammered quietly.

"So I've heard," replied Russia. "You and the others have set up the conference room, da?"

"Yes"

"Take Mr. America there; tell him I'll be up in a minute."

"Y-yes, Mr. Russia."

_Great_, thought Ivan, _Now how am I going to avoid him until the others arrive?! _The thumping of sneakers announced their owner before they were even insight. _Shit!_ Thought Russia and America thudded through the doorway Lithuania cowering quietly behind him.

"Hello, Ivan! Trying to avoid me here in the kitchen?" _You have no idea_

"Good morning Alfred and no just finishing the newspaper over vodka. Join me, da?"

"No, thanks, I need to put the finishing touches on my plans, the hero is always prepared!"

"Very well. Lithuania! Show Mr. America to the conference room." he said glaring at the smaller country, giving the ultimate I'll deal with you later look. Not ten seconds later the door burst open again

"YOU SHOULD WEAR THE DRESS! YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY THE LADY IN THIS RELATIONSIP!"

"BUT MON AMOUR, YOU LOOK SO LOVELY IN DRESSES! REMEMBER THAT MINI SKIRT YOU WORE IN HIGH SCHOOL?"

"YOU ARSE! HOW DARE YOU EVEN MENTION THE MINI SKIRT, YOU PERVERTED FROG!"

_So it begins….._ Russia slammed his head onto the table _why did I suggest they could meet over here?!_

"ESTONIA!" Russia shouted rubbing his temples; it was going to be a long day. Estonia rushed in.

"Mr. Russia! France and England are-"

"I know, they're here and already arguing, if you can get the happy couple to quit bickering about wedding dresses for a moment, could you _please_ take them upstairs. Maybe America can sort this out."

"Yes sir, Mr. Russia" said Estonia quietly and quickly followed his orders.

Please, please let China get here so we can get this over with!

Ivan dashed over to the cabinet and grabbed another bottle of vodka, and began to swallow it in big gulps. KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

"LATIVA! Open the door!" Russia shouted.

"Aru!" China greeted Latvia, "Hello little one!"

Russia walked into the main hall, a bottle of vodka clamped in one hand and a spare one in his pocket, his eyes bugged with a look of despair. China took note of that as he said

"Rough morning?"

One side of Russia's mouth slanted upward confirming it.

"America?" Russia nodded

"Loud as ever."

"France?" Russia nodded again

"Probably still arguing with England about who is to wear the dress at the wedding."

"Aye, aye, aye."

"I think we best to get it over with now, da?" China nodded, as Latvia led them to the mad house that was once called a conference room. England and France were shouting as loud as is humanly (or would it be countryly?) possible

"YOU WEAR THE DRESS!"

"NO YOU WEAR IT!"

America shouted over it all,

"BOTH OF YOU SHUP UP! I'M THE HERO AND I COMMAND YOU TO STOP!"

They only stopped to slug him in the face and resumed arguing.

"May I?" Russia asked China, holding up a pick-ax.

"I think it best not." China pulled out his travel size gong and slammed it as hard as possible

"_GGOOOOOOOONNNNNGG!"_

Everyone froze. China handed the gong to Latvia who was cowering in the hallway, then walked over and proceeded to help America pry England's hands off France's indigo coat collar. After that was through, Russia made sure to make them sit as far away from each other as possible, but they still glared violently at each other half of the time. Finally, America began

"Ok, I'm the hero so I'll start," he picked up a piece of chalk and began to draw.

"If we divide them up geographically, Russia would take Germany which would work especially well since, out of us five, you're the only one Germany is actually afraid of. England and Fr-"

"No way! There is no possible way you can expect me to work with this git!" shouted England.

"Well you will have to work with him eventually, da?" said Russia. "You two are getting marri-"

"That's different! Which reminds me, can we all agree France should wear the dress?"

"Err-"

"Arthur, ma chérie, I think we both know you would look best-"

"NO, YOU PERVERTED FROG! NO! NO! NO! I AM NOT WEARING IT!"

_Here we go again….._

"WE ALL KNOW YOU WOULD LOOK BEST-"

"NO, BECAUSE IT'S OBVIOUS YOU'RE THE LADY-"

"PLEASE, MON AMOUR, WE BOTH KNOW ITS YOU-"

_SMASH!_

"BOTH OF YOU SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!" Germany shouted.

"Germany?" asked all five countries at the same time.

"YES, I WAS ENJOYING LUNCH WITH GILBERT, BUT ALL OF YOU DISRUPTED MINE AND HERR STICK'S WAURST! NOW SHUT UP AND DEAL WITH YOUR ISSUES IN A WAY THAT DOES NOT DISRUPT OTHER COUNTRIES AND THEIR STICKY FRIENDS!"

Germany stepped back outside the damaged door and left them to their work. America had collapsed somewhere during the caucus and both France and England were looking rather pale.

"Break for lunch, da?" said Russia.

All the conscious countries nodded.

England and France were the first to exit, still arguing, but with less volume. China quickly followed tripping over America in the process, leaving Russia alone in his conference room.

_What am I going to do about this mess? _Russia asked himself while staring at the chaos that surrounded him. _I'll deal with it later,_ He decided.

Estonia, Lithuania, and Latvia were waiting in the kitchen cooking some delicious smelling borscht. Russia noted that none of the other Allies were insight.

"Where are the others?"

"T-they left s-sir"

Russia was disappointed but decided, _Oh well, more for me, _and grabbed a large bowl and spoon. The red soup was delicious, perfectly heated, and gone within ten minutes. America still hadn't come down so Ivan decided to check on him.'

"America?" Ivan asked, tapping the country on the floor with his severed pipe.

"Haammbbuuuuuurrrggurrssss…" Alfred moaned in his sleep _Poor guy, he's really out cold_, thought Russia.

Russia slung America over his shoulder and placed him on the bed in one of the spare rooms. He was about to begin cleaning up the mess in his conference room when he heard a noise from downstairs.

_*POUND*POUND*POUND*_

"Big brother….open this door and let us become one!"

_Oh shit!_ Ivan thought,_ Belarus is here!_ _Could this day get any worse?!_

"Open this damn door! Let us become one!"

"Go away, Belarus!"

"OPEN THIS DOOR, BIG BROTHER, SO WE CAN BECOME ONE!"

"NO GO AWAY!"

_*SCREEEE-* *CRACK!*_

Belarus was now using her knife against the door causing it to crack. The door wouldn't last much longer now.

_I need a better security system! _Thought Ivan as he grabbed his coat and made a dash for the back door.

*CRASH!*

Russia heard the door smashed to bits as Belarus entered.

"Biiggg Brotthheerrrr… Let us become one…."

Russia didn't wait to see what she would do, quietly slipping out the back door he ran for the leafless forest. Using the trees to block him, Ivan slowly made his way to town, where he decided to restock on vodka and visit the flower shop. While smelling the beautiful, golden sunflowers, he noticed something he hadn't seen yesterday, an advertisement for greenhouses,

….._a warm place filled with sunflowers…_ thought Ivan as he wrote down the address and began to find his way there.

About half of a mile outside town, Ivan saw a little glass building, checking the mailbox number, he headed inside. As he opened the door, warm humid air rushed out and hit his face, *ding, ding*, a small bell announced his enterance.

"Hello," said a rather plump saleswoman. "How may I help you?"

"You sell greenhouses here, da?"

"Yes"

"And they would work for greenhouses?"

"Yes"

"I need the largest one available."

"Right this way,"

She led him to a counter and began to quickly type on her keyboard.

"That would be 89,833 roubles." she said. Ivan pulled out his wallet and handed her a credit card. She pulled it through the machine at top speed. She clicked a few more keys and handed the card back to him.

"Thank you, Mr. Braginsky and they will call you about what time to build it."

Ivan nodded and left with his head light and feeling as though he was floating. He was in such a good mood he might just give the Baltics a day off after they clean up that mess in the….. _Shit!_ He had entirely forgotten about the meeting and the cnfeerence room! He yanked up his coat sleeve and looked at his watch; he had been gone for over two hours! The other countries were going to kill him…. Well if they all wernt scared to death of him. He ran the half mile back to town and called a cab.

"Step on it!" he said as he through a massive pile of roubles at the driver whos eyes bugged a bit at the sight of the money,

"You got it," he replied and floored the gas pedal.

"Kolkolkolkolkolkol….." Russia chanted quietly from the back seat.

Russia hopped out of the car, bolted through the door, and dashed upstairs at the speed of light, his long coat and scarf flapping behind him all the way.

"Sorry I'm late! I got distracted…." Ivan's voice faded out echoing, as he realized he was the only one in the room. _Where is everyone?_ He though, the all-to-familiar sound of a knife being sheathed.

"Hello, Big Brother"

"What happened to the others Belarus?"

"It does not matter where **_they _**are, all that matters is that we become one."

"Go aw-"

"Let us become one!" she said forcefully and lunged for him.

Russia tried to dodge, but his younger sister was quick, yanking out her knife, throwing it, and causing it to pin Ivan's coat to the table.

"Natalya! That table cost over 1,000 roubles!" said Russia attempting in vain to pull out the knife.

"Then let us mend it…let us become one, Big Brother!" she pounced.

"Ahhhhh!" Ivan screamed at the top of his lungs as Natalya began to tear open his shirt.

"Is everything all right in here….." America's voice trailed off as he saw the scene that lay before him. _Thank God, perfect timing to wake up,_ thought Russia.

"Why couldn't it be France to find this?" Alfred asked no one in particular.

Belarus yanked the knife forcefully out of the table and prepared to go after America. America had already expected this and pulled out his handgun he always carried around.

"I think not," he said.

"My quarrel is not with you as long as you leave now. Let Big Brother and I become one and I will leave you alone."

Ivan's amethyst eyes pleaded with America to help him.

"No."

"No?"

"No. I believe it will be you who is leaving." he said threatening her with the gun. "The hero will not allow you to stay."

Belarus gave a look of disbelief, but then turned back to Russia.

"Later…" she said, letting him know that this was not the end, and dashed out.

"I seriously need a better security system." said Russia. America just stood there with a blank stare, as though he was frozen.

"America?"

*Clonck* America collapsed to the floor. _Two time in one day?_ Ivan thought._ I'm sure "the hero" won't __**want**__ to remember this one._

Ivan once again carried America to the guest room, still wondering where everyone else was.

Epilogue

England and France were still bickering during lunch and **_seriously_** lost track of time. By the time they realized how long their "lunch break" lasted, the war had ended. China was with them the entire time, trying to keep them from strangling each other. Though it was finally decided that England would wear the dress, they still haven't figured out a definite date for their wedding.

Belarus is still looking to "become one" with Russia, so far she has not succeeded.

The three Baltic States got their time off, and still work in Mr. Russia's house.

America was permanently sacred. He never looked at Russia or Belarus the same way again and attempted to get the word "one" changed.

Russia's green house was built and filled with sunflowers, he often visits there. He hasn't told anyone of America's second fainting episode, but does occasionally tease him about it. He finally has his warm place with sunflowers.

* * *

**A/N: *uses a piece of severed pluming to sheild herslef* Don't kill me, but comment and tell me what you thought. Sunflowers from Ivan or would it be Ivans from Sunflower?**


End file.
